MENTAL HEALTH
Don’t judge a person by his smile.
While the countries were trying to navigate their way through the third COVID-19 wave, by partially opening and partially restricting movements. Some saw this as a time to re-evaluate their lives; some worked on things they had procrastinated on; but most of us tried to combat the change it had induced in our lives. To kill the mocking time, I, like most, opted to call friends, and it was during one such call that I witnessed and learned how a triggering word can affect another. The conversation started with the normal exchange of pleasantries, stories, and daily routine. It was hard for my friend as she was staying in Canada all by herself, she had recently switched cities and was all by herself. These calls were her only outlet due to COVID; she had even lost her job. But to keep her mood from sinking, I pressed on with our happy memories and groundless bickering about human behaviour. We spoke for at least twenty five minutes; there was nothing unusual until, just at the end, I, like most people, who think we know it all and love to pass on their suggestions, pointed towards the adding pounds to her weight.
Her eyes rolled and there was a long pause, what I had believed to be an internet hiccup was soon to turn into an eye-opener for me. Within a span of minutes with a look of embarrassment, her eyes reached for me, “never pass a comment until it’s really important, for you have no idea what others are feeling and going through.” I tried to defuse the situation as I meant no harm but no words were exchanged any further, she looked way covering her trembling hands under her jacket which kept trembling, her extended breaths now exhaled from her mouth. There was nothing that I could have said or done but that one sugar-coated line was all it took to trigger a response that till now I had only heard or watched in movies. For the sake of her dignity, I ended the call at her first request for she wasn’t even able to move herself.
I went through our conversation several times in my head but still could not fathom what could have caused such a reaction because it was not the first time we had exchanged such comments. I was dismayed to see her in such a state. I checked with my friends and then went online, but it was only after I spoke with her later that evening that I realised how unmindful we are of our words and actions.
I was not the first one to comment on her weight, but there was a snowball effect or a chain reaction as weight gain reminded her of her sedentary lifestyle, which reminded her that she was still unemployed, which further reinstated that she would have to use up her resources, which she had saved, as she wanted to make a switch in her career, and this pandemic had not only locked her in a corner but also weakened her knees to pursue her dreams.
Even with two master’s degrees, she was now competing for any daily wage job. That evening, I realised how little do we know of one another, of how one actually feels, and how often do we misinterpret silence. My friend wasn’t mad at me for long, but how often she must have felt hurt and swept it away with a smile kept me wondering. If only we could be more mindful of our words and be more forgiving, it would not hurt much. Needless to say, this awareness got me going, and I wanted to read more on how I could help my friend through this time.
Mental health is a major concern worldwide, and If we evaluate the development of infrastructure and awareness in the field of mental health, the pace appears to be slow. As there is still a large section of our society that is still not aware and are combating the stigma associated with it. Fortunately, there are lots of things that one can do to look after their own mental health and to help others who may need some extra support and care. But most importantly I learnt two things, first it’s us who neglect our own feelings, and we condition ourselves ‘that it is okay to not be okay. No one is ever fundamentally secure in this uncertain world, you cannot let yourself bear the burden of your own or others’ expectations, our dreams and our future should never be time-bound. And the second thread of wisdom that I could draw was that as a friend one should not overdo it. Help only when asked, the best thing you can do is to let the other person know you are there for them and then actually be there when the time comes.
But our overbearing nature can push the other person back to their closet, and yes, I did learn it from my own doing. After my friend explained with an example, she projected her hands as two different human beings. When one is down, the other one lifts him up, but if you continue to push even when not required, the hand falls again, just this time falling forward. Which is even worse because, for now, you have your own friend or family to blame.
